The overview of my present work situation is that I’ve been employed at a growing tech company for about 2 years, and I’m doing fine there. There are opportunities to move up, and the benefits are good, and my boss and coworkers are excellent people, and several days out of any given week are fairly easy.
The trouble is that I don’t love the work itself, or I don’t necessarily care about it.
It’s not that I don’t care about doing a good job. For the most part I’ve tried hard and mostly met or exceeded expectations for the various responsibilities I’ve had in the last two years. The problem, stated more directly, is that I don’t actually care about the mission of the company — which is selling an e-commerce platform to hopeful merchants. I have no interest in that. Almost none at all.
So there it is. I have all the things that make a job good — I get decent pay, autonomy in my position, excellent coworkers, good benefits, a short commute … but at the center of all that, the work that I do fails to ignite any passion in me.
I’ve known this for a long time, actually. I’ve dreamed at times about moving on and bouncing around for a little while, or starting my own company again like I did in college, or writing, or fleeing the country to be a missionary or whatever. None of those have seemed right, yet.
Actually I’ve been back and forth on this matter a bunch of times. For years before, I couldn’t bring myself to commit to any full time job, because I was so afraid of getting locked into something that didn’t inspire me. Well, I got over that phobia, at least, and realized that at my age it’s really just good to get some experience doing something, and suck it up and grow up for a little while in the meantime. I’ve been doing that for two years … and I’m starting to get itchy again.
But, I have no concrete plans to leave my present job. Not unless lightning strikes, and I realize finally what I’m meant to do with myself. Until then, I’ll try to keep growing in my position, honoring the work and the pay that I’ve been entrusted with, and do everything I can to avoid coasting. And in the meantime I’ll be experimenting on the side, like doing this blogging gig and seeing if that will float, or fleeing to the wilderness periodically, etc. etc.
To be honest, sometimes I think that the notion of fulfilling work is just a myth. What I’ve been led to believe is that there is such a thing as work you can be passionate about. That certainly doesn’t mean every day should be easy and fun — obviously as with anything, work will always have obstacles and hard, dry days. But still, I’d like to be believe it’s a real thing. I’m not sure the Bible has anything interesting to say on the topic, really.