Today I feel bankrupt.
The way I like to feel is full of investment capital, ready to offer attention and insight to the people that I care about. Today, this week, this month, this summer in fact, many of the people I care about are hurting. I would like to be available, be responsive and conciliar, warm, and attentive. But I can’t quite manage it today. Today I am bankrupt, and have nothing to give.
When it comes to this, it’s a mixed bag. On the one hand, I believe it’s good when I am weak, because I’ve heard that this is the time when Jesus is strong. On the other hand, I feel distant, my heart cold, my eyes dim. I want to be moved by something, but I am mostly unmoved.
When it comes to this, sometimes it’s all I can do to listen, and offer very few words. Or, maybe I can send a short text that indicates I am at least trying to care.
When it comes to this, I really can’t handle crowds.
When it comes to this, I might just need to walk off into the rain for a few hours, and see what unfolds in the sky.
When it comes to this, I’m not really sure what to write about. But I’m doing this July Challenge thing, so I guess I’ll write what you’re reading : – D
And even though I wish I felt rich right now, nights like these are precious too.