Bankruptcy

Today I feel bankrupt.

The way I like to feel is full of investment capital, ready to offer attention and insight to the people that I care about. Today, this week, this month, this summer in fact, many of the people I care about are hurting. I would like to be available, be responsive and conciliar, warm, and attentive. But I can’t quite manage it today. Today I am bankrupt, and have nothing to give.

When it comes to this, it’s a mixed bag. On the one hand, I believe it’s good when I am weak, because I’ve heard that this is the time when Jesus is strong. On the other hand, I feel distant, my heart cold, my eyes dim. I want to be moved by something, but I am mostly unmoved.

When it comes to this, sometimes it’s all I can do to listen, and offer very few words. Or, maybe I can send a short text that indicates I am at least trying to care.

When it comes to this, I really can’t handle crowds.

When it comes to this, I might just need to walk off into the rain for a few hours, and see what unfolds in the sky.

When it comes to this, I’m not really sure what to write about. But I’m doing this July Challenge thing, so I guess I’ll write what you’re reading : – D

And even though I wish I felt rich right now, nights like these are precious too.

Loading Facebook Comments ...

2 Comments

  1. I don’t know you. I stumbled across this blog on facebook where someone shared The Trouble With Being Christian…and I haven’t been able to stop reading from there. From another soul who has been on a more unexpected journey than she could’ve dreamed up (and the surprises just keep coming)…thank you for this blog. Thank you for your honesty.

    Reply

    1. Thanks Bria, I’m happy to hear this from you. Feel free to stick around, I’m writing a blog every day for the month of July, and then seeing where to go from there.

      🙂

      Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *